How to say no without feeling guilty
By Carol Nader
Guilt is probably the most commonly shared feeling among Arab people. Living in tight-knit communities can easily dissolve the boundaries between the self and the family or community. Hence those who put themselves and their needs first are often perceived as selfish and heavily frowned upon. In this context, saying no to requests made by our family or our community makes us inevitably feel guilty.
But the good news is, it doesn’t have to. There’s an easy way to say no without feeling guilty and it consists of three steps:
The first step is to show that you are responsive by acknowledging the request. It’s about showing empathy and good will to help out;
The second step is actually saying “no, I can’t” or “no, I don’t want to”. You’re free to explain the reasons why you’re saying no, but you absolutely don’t have to;
The third and final step is about giving options. You can say that you would like to help, but that it’s impossible for you to do so at the moment. You should show concern for the issue and help by suggesting a potential course of action to tackle the problem.
If you follow this process, the person you say no to will find it more difficult to be mad at you since you showed empathy and displayed an attitude of really wanting to help and expressed it. To sum it up, it goes along the lines of: “Yes, I understand. No, I can’t. But I’m helping you find a way”.
And when you’ve really mastered how to say no without feeling guilty, you’ll finally be able to free yourself from so many things you were doing reluctantly without alienating the people around you! Start practicing today and you’ll live a harmonious and guilt-free life true to yourself in no time!
Carol Nader is a Life therapist based in Lebanon. You can reach her via email on: carol.nader@hotmail.com.
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