How can you survive your own family?
A growing number of people in the Arab world today have felt, at one point or another, trapped in their own family. While many would be ashamed to admit it, or even think that it’s a sacrilege to harbor such thoughts, more and more people are slowly coming to the conclusion that they shouldn’t have to suffer so that they can go on playing the role they feel that they’re expected to play within their own family.
Every human system is governed by rules and families are no different. Being conscious of these rules allows us to regain our free will as we realize that they can be modified. It’s often when we feel out of sync with our relatives or even rejected by them that we can start seeing things in a new light. Our suffering becomes an alarm signal that we can no longer bear to comply with these rules that are shaping - whether consciously or unconsciously - the way we live our lives.
It often takes just one brave individual to speak up about his or her sense of unease to shake up the status quo, but it’s likely that most family members were feeling it without being able to verbalize it. Standing up for yourself can be daunting as it’s often perceived as a form of disloyalty towards the family. But it’s not. You shouldn’t have to choose between feeling imprisoned and being excluded from your family. Another way is possible and must be attempted.
And it starts with respect. And communication. Those who wish to follow their own path must first show their respect to those who they wish to differentiate from. The latter need to understand that the fact that the former want to live a different life from their own is not a sign of reject, but rather an act of authenticity and of necessary adaption to our constantly evolving societies. You should never expect to be respected if you’re not yourself respectful of others.
But respect doesn’t mean blind compliance with a rigid set of rules. We must learn to say “yes” without feeling frustrated and to say “no” without feeling guilty. And when we manage that, others will follow into our footsteps and discover that they too deserve a chance to embrace their own path. We must never forget that belonging to a family or any human system is a privilege and often the source of good physical and mental health. And that no one has to be wrong for us to be right.
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