Why forgiving is good for you
By Carol Nader
Forgiving is definitely one of the most difficult things we can do. Moving beyond hurt feelings is extremely hard, especially when it comes to our closest relationships. When we’re upset with someone, we end up talking at them rather than with them. We become reactive instead of simply responsive. Words can be harsh and feelings can be hurt.
And while we’re overwhelmed by our own feelings, we tend to forget about the other person’s feelings. Anger makes us lose our ability to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. The situation becomes uncomfortable and we often find it easier to hold a grudge than to move past it. Alas communication is tricky, and language is imperfect.
But here’s a good news. Conflicts are opportunities for us to grow and allow our relationships to grow as well. Like luxury cars, relationships need fine-tuning, maintenance and often repair. And the best tool for that is forgiveness. Its benefits are endless: it enhances emotional stability, promotes better physical and mental health, and fosters satisfying interpersonal relationships.
We know it’s easier said than done, but there are a few tricks that can help. The easiest one is to start practicing letting go with minor events such as when someone is rude to you or just plainly uncivilized. You can try to imagine what this given person might be going through and at least acknowledge the humanity of the offender.
When you think about someone who hurt you, try to put yourself in his/her shoes and reevaluate the situation or incident from his/her perspective. How does it feel? You should also think about something good that happened to you as a result of a negative incident. Can you see any blessings in the situation? Maybe even try letting go of a grudge you were holding against someone, and see how that feels.
Forgiveness is the biggest gift you can give yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Staying angry with someone is exactly as though you were drinking a glass of poison and expecting the other person to die. Better realize sooner rather than later that it’s simply never going to happen and that the only person you’re hurting is yourself. Forgive but don’t forget. Forgiveness is the virtue of the strong minds.
Carol Nader is a Life therapist based in Lebanon. You can reach her via email on: carol.nader@hotmail.com.
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