Why can't we talk about sex?
The subject of sex in the Arab world is quite a controversial one. Historically considered by the West as an exotic and sensual region where men and women could indulge in decadent sexual behavior, the Arab world is now thought to be repressive and totally anti-sex. However accurate those fantasies may be, one sure thing is that the gap between private and public morality is immense.
Women in the region are often prescribed abstinence outside of marriage. Those who comply find it terribly frustrating to have to wait to have sex until they find someone they want to marry – which can take some time. Others feel guilty and ashamed to have indulged in carnal pleasures. Virginity feels like a burden to the former and a treasure to the latter, who sometimes even consider hymen reconstruction if they’re planning to marry someone who could not accept their sexual history.
However, frustration when it comes to sex is not the prerogative of women. Arab men can find themselves in a difficult situation when they’re unable to afford marriage. Some of them even end up drawn to armed militancy by the promise of virgins in the afterlife. The status of prostitution varies greatly between different countries in the region – from legal and regulated in Tunisia to illegal in Egypt and everything in between – but most have a thriving sex industry.
Indeed, as with any restrictive and oppressive dogmas, ways around it have emerged. Some local religious traditions offered the possibility of “temporary marriages” which can last from an hour to a year or two. John R. Bradley, author of “Behind the Veil of Vice: The Business and Culture of Sex in the Middle East”, claims that “70% of all marriages in Saudi Arabia these days are reportedly of the temporary variety”, which, in his opinion, allows people “to live sane and healthy lives” despite the religious restrictions.
All in all, as Mona Eltahawy, author of “Headscarves and Hymens: Why the Middle East Needs a Sexual Revolution”, rightly puts it, “when sex is surrounded by silence and taboo, it’s the most vulnerable who are hurt, especially girls and sexual minorities”. She adds that it’s striking that women who have an education or an independent income still hardly enjoy sexual freedom and are not always protected when they transgress cultural norms.
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