What's a meaningful life?
If you haven’t already done so, please read this article first - is there more to life than being happy? - in order to convince yourself of the importance of living a meaningful life.
To live a meaningful life, you must be in relationships where you’re valued for who you are intrinsically and where you value others in the same way. Being valued for what you believe or who you hate doesn’t qualify as a meaningful relationship. This sense of belonging is probably the most important source of meaning, especially the bonds you have with your family and friends.
Challenge: next time someone is talking to you, don’t check your phone. Doing so devalues the other person and makes them feel invisible and unworthy. Instead, try to listen to them with empathy and in a non-judgmental way and you’ll create a bond that lifts each of you up.
Purpose is also essential to living a meaningful life. It's less about what you want than about what you give. The key is to use your strengths to serve others. For many people, that happens through work, but it doesn’t have to. People who work in hospitals have the purpose of healing sick people. Parents have the purpose of raising their children. What’s most important is to contribute and feel needed. Purpose gives you something to live for. Indeed, people become depressed when they don’t have something worthwhile to do. When you are living your purpose, you tend to experience flow.
Challenge: think about the last time you lost track of time while serving others. Plan to do this again soon.
Another important thing is the story you tell yourself about yourself. You should always remember that you are the author of your own story and you can change the way you’re telling it. Your life isn’t just a list of events – you can edit and interpret it any way you want. If you go through hard times and think "My life was good. Now it's bad", you’ll become more anxious and depressed. However, if you start thinking that “Going through this has made me a better person”, that simple edit to your story will change your life and might lead you to discover your purpose – which will inevitably be about serving others.
Some people get help from a therapist to change their stories, but you can do it on your own too, just by reflecting on your life thoughtfully – how your defining experiences shaped you, what you lost, but most importantly what you gained. You probably won’t change your story overnight but every small step in the right direction counts. Embracing painful memories can lead to new insights and wisdom.
Challenge: try to reframe a negative story you tell yourself about yourself into a positive one.
Happiness comes and goes. But when life is really good and when things are really bad, having meaning gives you something to hold on to.
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