How can you become more resilient?

While many Arabs claim that resilience is their middle name, things are not always as straightforward as they seem. Yes, many of them have experienced war, exile and oppressive regimes and somehow came through. It’s true that most of them manage to cope with absurd laws and traditions on a daily basis. But does this really make them resilient? Many of them are probably suffering in silence and are too ashamed to admit it for fear of appearing weak.

Not admitting to yourself or others that you’re suffering doesn’t make you strong, it just makes you and people around you unhappy. True resilience is an important characteristic of happy people. They’ve indeed come to acknowledge that they shouldn’t rely on outcomes for their happiness. And they’re right, external circumstances account for only 10% of our happiness, according to Deepak Choprah. We can rely on the process of working towards outcomes for all our happiness.

Life would be lifeless if we didn’t have desires and preferences; indifference to outcomes is a sign of helplessness. Being welcoming and accepting of all outcomes is important, but this attitude should manifest itself after an outcome has unfolded and not before. This means that once you have done your best to make something happen, you should learn to be happy with whatever turns up. Here’s an exercise to help you do just that:

Challenge: look for ways in which a seemingly « negative » event or outcome has led, later, to at least one (or more) positive consequences.

Focusing on the opportunities triggered by events lowers the tendency to judge them as « negative ». Try to keep a journal of how bad things that happened turned out to be good. And always remember that having a positive and resilient outlook towards life is an important determinant of success.

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